Not usually a big TV fan, I have nonetheless succumbed over the past few years, along with every thirtysomething, to the National Broadcasting Company’s Thursday night lineup. I am beginning to question my viewing faith, as the quality of the shows — never “good,” but always fun, sort of like American theatre — is sinking rapidly.

I am particularly taken aback by the use of near-profanity on broadcast TV. I can remember a time when the networks were fussy about letting a character utter the word “pregnant” (which, in retrospect, does seem ridiculous). Last night, in the space of one hour, I heard “ass” several times, “tit” once and a sprinkling of hells and damns. Earlier this week, a King of the Hill character very audibly farted. I don’t particularly have anything against profanity; if my tongue is silver there’s a lot of tarnish around the edges. I’m nonetheless taken aback when I hear TV characters referring to a fine ass.

Imagine my horror, then, to see the public awareness campaign launched by the State of Maryland to cut down on teen pregnancy. It features a variety of pleasant young ladies saying, “If I wait to have sex...” and then listing a litany of their potentials. Dear God, this is Maryland! We are a respectable old state. We have sex a lot, but we do not talk about it.

My personal stuffiness aside, this is one of the more ridiculous ad campaigns I’ve ever seen (it goes hand in hand with a series of billboards that read, “Teach Abstinence”).

In the typically schizoid fashion of the ’90s, and apparently of the ’00s as well, we are telling the next generation that sex is naughty bad while blabbing about it through every possible medium. Does no one remember Prohibition and its effects on national drinking habits?

A few years ago there were similar ad campaigns promoting safe sex. This is apparently no longer acceptable. I think I know why; some years ago I recall a horrified woman gasping in reaction to such an advertisement: “But that’s like saying it’s okay for teenagers to have sex!” No, you idiot, it’s not. Saying it’s okay is saying it’s okay. Saying, “Use a condom,” is saying, “I trust you to be able to make your own decision. However, if you choose to have sex — which you probably will because you are a normal 16-year-old — have the sense to make sure you don’t get pregnant or contract AIDS.”

“Teaching Abstinence” is an idiotic way to control teen pregnancy and disease. This campaign is telling parents to wag their fingers and say, “Bad teenager! No nooky!” Which of course to any marginally sentient teenager translates to, “Go out and screw till you drop.” In most cases, it’s also extremely hypocritical. It would be laughable of me to tell my child not to go trying to sleep his/her way through the entire Atlantic Fleet when I’m trying to do precisely the same thing.

Every teacher I’ve ever known has pointed out that teens respond best to being treated as equals. After all, they aren’t toddlers anymore. If you want to discuss your moral values with your kid, great, but much better to instill in them enough responsibility to take control of their lives and make intelligent decisions — not just whether to have sex or not, but whether they want to (they probably do) and how to take care of themselves.

Regarding the Atlantic Fleet, the armed forces still have sense enough to show those lousy training films that explain various venereal diseases. The State of Maryland is too busy being a maiden aunt to do the same.