If it takes nothing more than a slightly deranged grizzled old farmer from North Carolina to shut down Washington, we really don’t need to be picking on any other countries. Dear God, the Mercy High School basketball team could take over the United States, at this rate.

Frankly, I’m with the guy to a certain extent; I don’t know a whole lot about farm subsidies in general — hey, my annual nasturtium crop is the only thing I’ve planted that has any value besides being ornamental. On the other hand, I’m very much against the “landmark” federal lawsuits against tobacco companies. It’s a particularly nasty manifestation of the Nanny State. I don’t care what information may or may not have been made public, nobody with three brain cells ever thought smoking was good for you. I’ll never forget my first cigarette because I coughed, hacked and bloody near vomited. I did want to look like the Chesterfield man, but I never for one minute believed that tobacco was anything but poisonous. Therefore, my election to smoke periodically (usually when looking like the Chesterfield man will get me somewhere) is my own fool problem.

So here we are on Code Cornflower, or whatever it is this week, and this codger drives a John Deere into Constitution Gardens? Now, I realize that interesting things do periodically happen in Washington, but being as that city has managed to engulf a hundred-mile radius of farmland into its suburban maw, I can’t believe that a John Deere didn’t look just a little bit out of place driving through the city streets. Those things also move with the speed of a crippled — er, differently-abled — garden slug, so it’s not like he sped past before anyone could notice.

And now, of course, he’s snarled the entire Federal district of the city, because everyone’s assumed that he’s a terrorist. Which he is, of sorts, but of a fairly pleasant home-grown nutbox variety. There is no more need to shut down streets for ten surrounding blocks than there is to, say, bomb Midland, Texas, though that might not be a bad idea at that. If this dude really has explosives, I’d be very surprised. He’s just a crazy coot who wants his day in the sun. Besides, if he were a terrorist, why hasn’t anybody done anything about it? The DC Police SWAT team doesn’t even have tranquilizer darts or stun guns? No wonder that town is so crime-infested.

Ah, these modern times. Issue a Code Magenta one day, and the next day someone drives a particularly out-of-place vehicle at 12 mph into a high profile location, creating no suspicion, and then an entire city closes down for a minimal threat.

I’m not too worried about North Carolinians on John Deeres, but the guys behind the Prang-box alerts really make me nervous.