It will, of course, surprise none of you to know that I am one of the last smokers standing in this section of Baltimore--or, at least, one of the last under sixty. Proper Baltimore, along with proper everywhere else, gave up smoking back in the early nineties, when the hand-wringers got full cultural control of the nation. Everyone in East Baltimore still smokes like the proverbial chimney, which may go a long way to explain why I like that crusty, Formstone-clad section of the world.

I will not be too surprised if Maryland decides to go smoke-free. That will make all of its liberal huggybears very happy, and they will feel that they've done SO MUCH to make the world a SAFE, SANE place--as they fire up their smog-vomiting SUVs to drive seventy-three miles to work.

I am, however, increasingly annoyed by the self-righteous letter-writers, who smugly inform us that one day soon they will be able to enjoy bars without having to COUGH and SMELL SMOKE. Evidently, it has not occurred to them that bars and smoke go hand in hand. Perhaps they dream of a day in the happy nineteenth century when one could go to a bar and enjoy a cup of tea without the horrors of smoke. I wonder if they've ever bothered to truly consider the era; the average bar of the nineteenth century contained horrors that made the errant Camel look like a lollipop. And then, by the twentieth century, when bars became places that decent people might want to patronize, smoking was firmly in.

One of my colleagues--who is a marathon runner, but who periodically enjoys a cigarette--points out that bars should be thankful for the overwhelming smell of smoke, because one of the things it overwhelms is the stench of stale beer and, even more horrific, beer breath.

I won't worry about the ban too much. The huggybears will be able to have smoke-free bars around the harbor, and can pat themselves on the back before they drive back to their air-conditioned suburban nightmares. Probably the only venue that I will really lose will be the Hotel Belvedere. I'm fairly content that I'll still be able to smoke in East Baltimore's bars whether it's legal or not. It will be awfully hard for the cops to enforce anything since they'll be among the first ones lighting up--right along with the teachers.