The Colonial Theatre Tea Garden

The beauty spot of downtown Richmond was, in 1921, the Tea Garden of the brand-new Colonial Theatre. Herein, we recreate the essence of elegance, joy and hauteur that was once found in Virginia's first real picture palace. Bathtub gin is available at the top of the grand ramps.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Laptops are exciting, aren't they? Oh, I know, you're all saying "But, they've been around for years now, and you yourself have had one for a couple of years--why is this new and exciting?" I'll tell you why, damnit. It's because it is now one hundred degrees in my house and the bar up the street is airconditioned. I can therefore do my work/surfing from the AC'd comfort of the bar without having to drip sweat on the keys.

Before getting on to the main point, I decided to give my Slinky a last chance to prove itself before I decide, once and for all, that Slinkies are useless. The stairs down to my basement are ridiculously steep, and the treads of the stairs are fairly shallow. I figured that this would give the Slinky a good chance. It wouldn't have to cover much horizontal ground, and its vertical drop should give it plenty of momentum. But no. Apparently, the Slinky only functions on ladders, or in the advertising dreams of the company shilling the thing. It did make it down three stairs--better than its usual ONE--but then stopped dead. I tried to help it out, emotionally; I rationalized that perhaps it didn't like the basement's humid atmosphere. Despite my best efforts, I was forced to remember that the Slinky is not an actual life form imbued with likes and dislikes. It just doesn't bloody well do what it's supposed to do.

On the list of things that do not do what they are supposed to do, let us add my car. I really cannot complain about the car. It has served me faithfully for about eight years now, and it was used when I bought it. It is, now, trying desperately to retire. Unfortunately, I cannot yet allow it to do so.

It was a rather nice car when it was new, but that was almost twelve years ago. It maintains its comfort level, but all sorts of stupid little dooflitchety things are going wrong with it. The cup holder broke; the climate control now does whatever the hell it wants to do instead of obeying the buttons that I press. I try to remind myself that the cars of my childhood did not have cupholders and barely had air-conditioning. At least the electric windows still work.

Sadly, the actual things that make a car all car-like are also starting to break down. The thing overheats if you look at it funny. I had a car like this years ago, but all you needed to do was set the vents to "heat," open the windows and let the engine cool itself. Since this one has an electronic climate control system which no longer obeys the order to "heat," that is lost. Also, its power steering system no longer wants to retain its vital fluid, so it makes Chewbacca-like noises unless I refill it every month or so. I now suspect that there is also something wrong with its electrical system, since last night it decided to destroy its battery after...oh, yeah, running the radio for six hours at the drive-in theatre. Supposedly, if you set the thing to "accessory," it will play somewhat indefinitely. Perhaps I should not listen to the nice drive-in people after all.

Much as I like this car, I reluctantly admit that its days are probably numbered. I've been aimlessly looking around at other cars, but I know that I'll end up with a dark blue Buick Century anyway.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dooflitchety--a new Dan-ism. Nice! wpk

7:03 AM  

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